What love is…and isn’t

Yesterday I suggested a new definition of love:

“Love is a commitment of my love and affections to your needs and best interests regardless of the cost to me and as an expression of my desire to please God.”

It is easy to think of this definition (or any other definition) and misunderstand it by thinking that love means overlooking every occurrence of sin in the one loved and not confronting any instance of sin.  But that is not what this definition — or any other biblical definition — suggests.

Because I am committed to the needs of those whom I love, I willingly, soberly, and joyfully (not gleefully) confront instances and patterns of sin in the lives of the people I love.  Here is the way this definition works:

• What someone who is ensnared in sin needs is not the overlooking of sin and others turning a blind eye to their sin and thereby giving tacit approval to that sin.  What someone engaged in patterns of sin needs is to repent of his sin, be restored to Christ, and enjoy the fullness of liberation from sin.  In other words, being committed to the needs of another is being committed to helping them overcome the power of sin and the flesh in their lives.
• The best interests of someone trapped by sinful patterns and lifestyles is not for those who love them to remain quiet about that sin.  It is in the best interests (both temporally and eternally) of the sinner to have the sin revealed, confessed, and forgiven so that he walks in the newness of life in Christ that is given to him at salvation.
• Being committed to love someone regardless of the cost to me means that one is willing to confront sin with grace and gentleness and clarity, understanding that part of the cost of doing that might mean that the confronted sinner might respond in anger, defensiveness, and further rebellion.
• We do all these things because the standard for love is not the acceptance and good feelings generated from another; the standard of love is the pleasure of God — we act towards others in accordance with the love that God has given to us and out of our own love for Him and the desire to please Him more than anything or anyone else.

So love means commitment and sacrifice and giving to others out of the overflow of our love for God.  And love also means doing the hard work of revealing, confronting, confessing, and forgiving sin — just as God in Christ has done for us.