Twelve steps for book buyers

I received this from my friend Gary in response to yesterday’s post about books; I laughed and laughed when I read this.

And apart from Step 12, I think his tongue was implanted in his cheek (at least a little bit).  I think.

(While standing) My name is Gary and I am a bookaholic!

A new 12 step program for bookaholics.  (Or — devices and means for self-justification of maniacal book binges.)

Step 1.  Books are Gods gift, therefore we need to embrace this blessed gift from Almighty God.

Step 2  If we have empty shelf space then God has ordained the necessary means to remedy this abomination.

Step 3  Buy books at the best possible price!  Why spend $100 for 10 books when with a little due diligence you can purchase 15 books with the same $100.

Step 4  Memorize this quote from Erasmus:  “When I get a little money I buy books — when I get a little more money I buy food and clothes.”  Finally truth rings forth from Erasmus’s pen!

Step 5  (from point 4) Food and clothes are overrated.  However if you must purchase these worldly accouterments buy the least expensive food and clothes possible (in spirit of step 3).

Step 6  Purchase hardbacks whenever possible.

Step 7  If others in your household (i.e., your wife) objects to your acquisitions, remember that you are purchasing these books for God’s Church and as such it is giving!

Step 8 (in reference to step 7) If the necessary buying of books is giving and the purchase of said books causes your poor carnal wife to stumble then apply the maxim  “Don’t let your right hand know what your left hand is doing.”  Therefore buy books, hide them in your car and then later (while carnal wife is in shower) bring the books into the sheepfold (i.e., your library).

Step 9   Brodart all hardbacks with dust jackets (see step 6).

Step 10  Be on first name basis with employees of Christian booksellers.

Step 11  Keep and collect annotated bibliographies.

Step  12   Never let books become a substitute for God nor let them become an idol.  To guard against this give away on occasion some of your best books and do not immediately replace them. Our God is a Jealous God!