The trouble of arriving at adequate solutions to complex problems is the difficulty of diagnosis. Make a mistake in evaluation and you are almost certain to make an inadequate response. That’s true for a mechanic and a car engine, a student and a math equation, a plumber and a clogged drain, an accountant and a ledger imbalance, a pastor and a Biblical question, and a parent and a child.
In the latter case, when parents misdiagnose a child’s circumstance or character, and they will likely take action in a way that won’t be most beneficial for the child. So the key to right parenting, as with right mechanicking, is in determining correctly what the heart of the problem really is.
In his helpful book, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Tedd Tripp asks a series of questions to help parents determine the strengths and weaknesses of their children in relation to God, themselves, and others:
Questions to reveal the condition of your child’s relationship with God:
- Is your child living in conscious need for God?
- What is the content of his relationship with God?
- Is he concerned to know and love God?
- Is God a source of strength, comfort, and help?
- Does he make choices that reflect knowing God?
- Is he moved by God’s ways and truth?
- Is he alive to spiritual realities?
- Is there any evidence that he is carrying on an independent (from you as a parent) relationship with God?
- Does he ever talk about God? How does he talk about God?
- How does he think about God? Is his God small or grand?
- Does he think of God as a friend, a judge, a helper, a taskmaster?
- Is he living out of the fullness of seeing himself in Christ or is he trying to worship and serve himself?
Questions to reveal the child’s understanding of himself:
- How does your child think about himself?
- How aware is he of his strengths and weaknesses?
- Does he understand his personality? Is he self-conscious of the propensities of his personality?
- What attitudes toward himself does he evidence? Is he shy or self-confident? Is he arrogant or diffident?
- Is he chained by fears? Is he able to extend himself to others?
- Does he have a false dependence on others?
- Does he feel better than others or does he feel inadequate around others?
- Is he able to stick to a task without external props? Is he able to work independently?
- Is he dependent on the approbation of others, or is he more self-possessed?
Questions to reveal the child’s relationship to others:
- How does he interact with others? What sorts of relationships does he have?
- What does he bring out in others?
- Are his relationships even or is he always in control or being controlled?
- Does he fawn for the attention of others?
- Is he pleasant with other children his age?
- How does he deal with disappointment in people?
- How does he respond to being sinned against?
- What are the areas of relational strength? What are the weaknesses?
Words of Grace 