I have found John Piper’s statements on what submission is and is not to be very helpful in understanding what Paul means in Eph. 5:22-24.
What is submission?
What then is submission? It is the disposition to follow a husband’s authority and an inclination to yield to his leadership. It is an attitude that says, “I delight for you to take the initiative in our family. I am glad when you take responsibility for things and lead with love. I don’t flourish when you are passive and I have to make sure the family works.”
Remember also what submission is not (he also notes six things that submission does not mean: 1. Agreeing with everything; 2. Leaving your brain or will at the altar; 3. Avoiding every effort to change a husband; 4. Putting a husband’s will before Christ’s will; 5. Getting personal, spiritual strength from a husband; 6. Acting out of fear):
Christian submission also says, “It grieves me when you venture into sinful acts and want to take me with you. You know I can’t do that. I have no desire to resist you. On the contrary, I flourish most when I can respond creatively and joyfully to your lead; but I can’t follow you into sin, as much as I love to honor your leadership in our marriage. Christ is my King.” [“Women of Valor for Non-Promise Keepers”]
Words of Grace 