Blogger Ian Vaillancourt recently wrote:
Give us men! This is what our world needs. Men who follow Christ and lead in the home and in the church…by laying down their lives for the men and women they lead. Give us men! Give us churches filled with these kinds of men who show the beauty of God-given complementarity to a watching world.
What the world needs now, to paraphrase the old song, is godly men leading their wives in love so that their wives are maturing in Christ.
So, men, how are you doing? How well do you lead your wife in love? How well is she growing in Christ? Because of your efforts, is she more like and in love with Christ?
I’ve asked various men those kinds of questions many times — and asked myself those questions even more often. Unfortunately, we are prone to deceive ourselves — we do not see ourselves or evaluate our efforts with clarity and accuracy. So one way to determine how we are doing is by asking our wives just how we are doing — and if we are not doing well, how we might minister more effectively to her. Professor Rob Lister came up with a list of questions to ask for just such an occasion in a recent issue of The Journal of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. Here are some for the kinds of things he suggests asking and doing in those discussions:
- On a scale of 1-10, give your overall assessment of our marriage in the past six months.
- How has the husband’s leadership been over the past six months? The wife’s support? Follow-up: How can I improve in fulfilling my respective role?
- How is your walk with God, both personally and as a couple?
- Where do you see ungodliness in my life?
- Do I have any unconfessed sin that needs to be shared with my spouse?
- Are we guarding meaningful time together? Prayer? Conversation? Date Night?
- How is our sex life?
- What could I do to make you feel more loved/secure/respected?
- How can I serve you better?
- What are the issues that we need to anticipate in the upcoming six months?
- What’s your greatest personal disappointment and your greatest satisfaction in the last six months?
- How can I best pray for you?
- What are our major upcoming mutual prayer concerns?
- Spend a few moments, in an encouraging fashion, sharing several of the things that each of you loves and appreciates about the other.
- Then close, by spending some concerted time in prayer for those prayer concerns you just shared, as well as thanking God for his faithfulness to you as a couple over the past six months.
[You may also download the entire article as a PDF.]