Enjoy life with your God-given wife

Today there are many helpful resources to help couples in their marriages.  My shelves are filled with books and resources and I have several large files full of additional articles and resources.  And of all the resources you might be drawn to for marriage, one author that might not immediately spring to mind is Solomon.  After all, Solomon didn’t exactly have a particularly successful record as a godly husband.  Not only did he have too many wives and adulterous relationships, but his wives also drew his heart away from God.

Yet tucked away in the book of Ecclesiastes, Solomon has a gem of wisdom for married couples:

“Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life, and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun.” (Eccl. 9:9; NASB)

Enjoy your wife.  Enjoy her every single day.  Love your wife.  Your wife is a gift of God’s grace to you — a reward for you to enjoy and treasure.

That’s good counsel.  Learn to cultivate delight and pleasure in your mate.  Too often we presume upon our relationships — “she will be there tomorrow; I’ll take care of it then,” or “She knows I love her, I don’t need to tell her again…” or “I’m committed to her, what more does she want?…”

In light of the truth of this verse, here are some related principles that may give you practical day-to-day ideas about how this might work in your home:

• Even when you think you’re right, say ten of the hardest words in the English language:  “I am sorry.  I was wrong.  Will you forgive me?” And practice confession and forgiveness as often as it is needed to reconcile a sinful action.  This act of forgiveness means not holding the past against someone.  So, while you may not forget the incident in question, in granting forgiveness you also are making a commitment to  absolutely never hold it against each other again.  One writer says it this way, “forgiveness is allowing the door to be closed to the past.”
• Defer to the best interests of your spouse.  You are God’s gift to her.  Do things that express that she and her needs are more important to you than you and your needs are to you.  Would you like to honor her?  Give preference to her and her needs and desires.
• Say “I love you” as often as you can.  When spoken with sincerity and conviction, it can never be said enough.
• Sacrifice.  Nothing says “I love you” like a sacrificial action.  The greatest act of love was the greatest sacrifice ever made — the death of Christ.  You will demonstrate love for your wife when you are willing to both live and die for her, no matter the cost.
• Pray for and with your mate.  Your greatest responsibility is not to pay the bills or provide groceries or a safe place to sleep or an annual vacation.  Your greatest responsibility as a husband is to provide for her spiritual care and maturity.  Her progress in the faith is Job #1 for you.
• Be an encourager.  Let your words provide daily and appropriate grace to her.  Ugly, ungracious, hostile words should never be directed towards her.
• Don’t just be married.  Be your spouse’s best friend.  Enjoy one another.  Be intentional about enjoying each other.  Take time to cultivate the things that stimulate your friendship and passion for each other.  What are the things that give her pleasure?  What provides contentment and peace and puts a smile on her lips?  What stimulates her to find satisfaction in your relationship?  (My guess is that the most satisfying things will not cost much, if any, money, though they will cost time and your attention.)
• Believe that your mate is God’s gift to you — and you are God’s gift to your mate.  And then live like you believe that.  Treat her like the treasure God says she is for you.  He chose and gave her to you to be enjoyed.  So enjoy her.
• Never, never leave conflict unresolved (see # 1 above).  If there has been a problem in the past, leave it there.  It’s past, it’s over, and by God’s gracious strength, forgiven.
• Talk.  Or, even better, listen.  Your task is to know your wife and you will come to know her when you listen to her and ask her thoughtful questions and then give attention to her answers (which being translated means, you have to remember what she says and then act on it).

The life you share with your spouse is one of God’s rewards to you.

So may I paraphrase Solomon?  Life is short, so enjoy it to the fullest by loving your God-given mate every day of your life.  And that will result in a rewarding, successful life.